I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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