in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
