so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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