Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
