i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
