I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize