Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
