just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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