Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
