I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
