Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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