THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
