ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
