in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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