I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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