It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
