Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
