I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
