if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
