Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
