So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize