I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
