So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
