My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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