No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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