I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
