He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
