Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
