there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
