The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
