Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
smell my finger.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize