My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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