Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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