i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
