she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize