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My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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