Pants 0. Shit 1.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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