I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
