I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
