So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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