what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
