Where did you get a picture of my penis
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
