i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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