oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
