Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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