The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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