I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
