i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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