How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
