so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
