Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
