I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
