Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
