I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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