he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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