nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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