wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
