my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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