i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
