Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
