And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
