Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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