guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
