I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
