I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
