Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
