I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
