I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would ride that face into the sunset
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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