JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize