You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
