I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
