Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
